Chapter 2
He is tall and handsome. The few whispers of white hair make me think he is wise, and I know after some time, I will learn this to be true. I have this intense desire to kiss him passionately, a hot and wet kiss. I look into his eyes and hope that I see the lust there too. But I don’t know; that doesn’t make sense to me. I am not desirable; I am not thin, nor am I beautiful. I am a very large and funny-looking woman. Nothing on my face is symmetrical. My nostrils are even entirely different shapes and sizes. The mole on my face grows hair occasionally, and I have to pluck it. Okay, I see; there is no way he could be looking at me like that. And yet the desire seems to be mirrored. I must be imagining this. I start to picture what it would be like, in the back of the store, where he has a small living area. It is dark in there, with only lamps to expose the darkness. I smell incense and it smells sensual. The chair and the couch match, and both are enveloped in purple suede. This place reminds me of the Indian culture with all the bright colors and Mosaic end tables. Large colorful pillows are on the floor, I imagine, to aid in meditation. He is into meditation, he said, right? I’m not even really sure what that is. It is warm, and he takes my hands, both enclosed in his large hands. I am big, but he is bigger. Taller anyway. He makes me feel more like how I believe I should be, smaller and more delicate than a man. Petite, even, and dainty with feminine features. Although none of this is true about me, he makes me feel that it is, or maybe not even that but maybe he makes me feel like being how I am is okay and even….. beautiful? We walk slowly into the room, and he puts on some music and chooses Enigma, which suits him. As the music dances in my ears and I take a look around, becoming nervous and hoping he cannot read my thoughts. Those lips, they are so inviting. I wonder what they would feel like on my hand, on my arm, on my shoulder, on my breast. I blush, and my cheeks become red roses. He has a sly smile on his face and tells me to relax. He still holds my hands, leading me to a large blue pillow on the floor. He helps me to sit.
“So, it seems you have had a difficult day falling and caught in the rain.”
“Yes, but it isn’t unusual for me to have problems or for things to go wrong,” I reply.
“Chloe, I want you to try to relax. I can feel that your energy is askew. If you let me, I think I can help you. I want to guide you in a meditation if you’re willing, of course.” His voice is almost raspy. It is dark and mysterious. The sound makes me quiver inside. I have never felt like this before about anyone. This intense and this soon? This isn’t making any sense. Maybe when I fell, I knocked my hypothalamus loose.
“Yeah, yes, I would be willing to give it a try. I don’t know if it will work or not. I’ve never meditated before and don’t know much about it. I guess you could say that I am a meditation virgin.” I say as I giggle slightly and think about what I just said. Oh my gosh, I said I was a virgin! TMI, TMI! You foolish girl, why do you open your mouth?!
“I promise I will be gentle.” He responds, and I think I catch a slight smile as he raises one side of his lips. “It helps many people, and there is a first time for everything. The trick is meditation is something that needs to be developed. It isn’t something that you can just be good at right away. It takes practice and usually guidance from others. I guess what I am saying is that I am available to help you on your life journey if you allow me to do so.”
As he is talking, I gaze into his green eyes as he towers over me before he takes a pillow and places himself in front of me. My cheeks were still warm from thinking about a sexual encounter with this handsome stranger. He takes my hands again and asks me to close my eyes. I do, and a brief thought goes through my mind about being naïve and trusting a total stranger, but for some reason, this thought doesn’t last long, and it feels like we are connected somehow and like I have known him my whole life. I just feel so safe and accepted. I don’t think I have ever felt that way in my whole life. Wow, I must have hit my head when I fell or shook something loose.
“Chloe, he says softly, warming my now sweaty hands with his giant palms, “What do you say?”
“Yes, I would like to continue to see you. So that I can work on meditation.” I say, but it comes out sounding like a question as I think I just want to continue seeing him and don’t really care about the meditation aspect of things.
“Okay, good. Now shall we begin?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Okay, so first, we need to focus on our breathing. We want to ensure that we breathe deeply into the belly and exhale fully to get the most out of this exercise. Breathe in and out, deep breaths in, and exhale all the air slowly. Now continue this as you start to relax all the parts of your body. Start with your head and work your way to the toes. I will guide you through it. That’s it, deep breath in and a deep breath out.” He puts his hand on my stomach, and I open my eyes and jerk away. My stomach is the most vulnerable part of me. Well, maybe not the most vulnerable part of me but the most vulnerable part that I am familiar with. I don’t want him feeling this roll of fat hiding under my oversized sweater.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you. I was only trying to help you learn how to breathe correctly. I should have asked before I touched you.” His eyes are vast, and he backs away from me too.
“I, I just wasn’t prepared for it, is all,” I say as I am red and embarrassed at him finding out my secret; not that it’s that much of a secret, people can clearly see I am overweight, but I always wear big baggy clothes to try to hide what I can. Don’t want to make people throw up now, do I? We both relax a little bit and go back into our previous spaces.
“I just want you to feel your stomach filling up like a balloon when you inhale and deflating when you exhale. People that struggle with anxiety or that have panic attacks typically breathe very shallowly, and this causes their brain to feel like there is a threat, and therefore they become more nervous. So if we can get our breathing under control, we can generally calm down our thoughts as well.”
“Oh, I see; I guess I never thought about it like that before.” I have never paid attention to my breath.” I place my hand on my stomach and show him that I can do this without his hand for guidance, and he seems okay with this. He helps people for a living and has a smaller bubble than most people. He has gotten used to helping and guiding people through the meditation process and uses his hands to heal people. I am not used to being touched, especially by someone so handsome.
“Now close your eyes again, and I will guide you through an imagery meditation. Where do you want to go?”
“Huh? I thought we were staying here?”
“Yes, we are; what I meant was, where do you want your mind to take you? To a sandy beach, to a peaceful forest, where do you feel most at peace?”
“Oh, well, I guess I would like to try to go to the beach,” I say, not really understanding well and embarrassed that I didn’t understand that we were not going anywhere.
“Okay, keep your eyes closed and breathing in deeply and exhaling slowly; remember the balloon.” I nod but open one eye to see if he is watching me. He isn’t, and I feel more relaxed. “I want you to breathe in and hold it for 2 seconds and then let it out slowly and again. Good. Now picture this; we are at a secluded lake, and no one is there but us. We sit on beach towels on the fine white sand and gaze into the horizon. As you breathe, you can start to smell the salty scent of the water. You can feel the breeze as it gently passes by your cheek and dances with your long hair. You feel warm and at peace. You begin to hear the seagulls in the distance as you watch the water lapping up onto the shore. You are calmed by the sounds the waves make as you breathe in deeply. You begin to hear the rustling of the seagrasses that line the white fence behind you. You feel the warm sand between your toes.” He guides me into this new world that I start to explore, and soon I feel a tingling in my body and my mind quiet. I can see, hear and feel all the elements of the beach. I am enjoying it here. I picture him on the sand beside me and us holding hands, looking into the lake. I picture myself moving in closer to him so he can put his arm around me, and I can rest my head on his chest. I can feel a smile on my face. I can smell his cologne which is a soft sultry smell. I inhale him into me as he reaches a hand to my chin and gently brings it closer to his lips. We kiss, our lips touching and fondling each other. The taste of his tongue is like sweet oranges, and my mouth waters as it desires more. He strokes my tongue, and we kiss passionately on the beach, alone and away from everyone and everything. There are no cares here, only us. I hear the sound of his voice echoing from a distance. I look up at him and yearn for more. I crave his touch against my skin, his warm embrace wrapped around me. He speaks again, but I can’t quite make it out. Then I hear him more clearly, and he is calling my name. Yes, my name on his lips seems so sweet. So right, so perfect. I start to come back to the place I really am and feel the warm breeze and the summer sun fade away.
“When you’re ready, you can open your eyes. Just know that you can always return to this place whenever you feel stressed, and you can escape.”
I don’t want to open my eyes; I don’t want to leave this sensual and romantic daydream that I am having. It seems so natural. I am calm, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel any tension in my body. I open my eyes as I continue to breathe softly. I see him sitting there on his pillow across from me. He is so handsome, so gorgeous, so delicious?
“Congratulations on your first meditative experience. How do you feel?” He asks gently in his deep voice.
“I feel great. I feel relaxed, calm, and serene. I haven’t felt like this in years. Thank you.” I also feel slightly aroused, but I don’t tell him this and keep this secret to myself.
“Good, I’m glad. Tell me about your experience. I am interested in how you perceived the meditation because, for a first-timer, a virgin in your words, you could maintain this sense of calm for 45 minutes. Most people experience racing thoughts and can’t seem to fully relax until at least a few times of practice.”
I’m astonished at how long he said we were in our alternate reality, as it seemed to only last for a brief moment in time. How I long for his kiss, his caress. I want to feel the warmth of his skin against me. I blush at the thought of his question. What was my experience like? I certainly cannot tell him what I experienced. I try to collect myself and say, “I saw the seagulls, felt the warm sand, and watched the waves. It was beautiful there. I didn’t want to come back.”
“Good, and now you know you can always find your way back there anytime you feel like it.”
“Yeah, thank you so much. I guess my fall and the rain were a happy accident today. Well, I should probably get going, I hope the rain stopped, and I know you have work to do.” I don’t want to leave, but I am aware that this moment no matter how wonderful it is, needs to end. He gets up before me and holds out his hand. I reach for it, slightly hesitant. I hope I don’t pull him down here with me. Not that that would be a bad thing, I ponder. I brush off my pants, trying to iron out the wrinkles. We slowly make our way back to the main entrance, and I am astonished to realize that when I have been with him, he had no customers come into the store. What a rare coincidence. Almost like fate.
“You know, I should probably purchase something. I have taken up so much of your time, and I am so grateful for all of your help and kind words. What do you recommend?”
“I am happy to help. I hope you come back again so I can help you practice. I would recommend a healing crystal. I have them over here.” He guides me over to a large glass shelf it is filled with a variety of beautiful stones and gems, all of different sizes and colors. There are clear quartz crystals, smooth red jasper, rocky-looking obsidian stones, and many more. I am astounded by their beauty. “You may be interested in the pink quartz. It helps to bring comfort and a sense of calmness to those who hold it.”
“Which one is that?” I ask for his guidance once again. He reaches around me to pick one of the pink stones up, and he brushes me with his sleeve. I smell his cologne and become somewhat uncomfortable.
“Excuse the reach here.” He says, taking the pink quartz into his large hand, which looks so tiny in his palm. He hands it to me, and while looking into my eyes, he tells me what else it means.
“Rose quartz is also a stone of love. It is said to help bring harmony into relationships and help a deeper sense of self-worth.” He places the gem into my hand, and it appears bigger. Although I don’t recognize it now, there was something that moved in me when he placed that stone in my hand. Something inside started to bloom, and something inside started to grow. And although he would say that the stone was the reason for this, I believe it wasn’t the stone. I believe it was him.
Cryptic Corner 